If Republicans were honest

This is not really a political blog, but I've had the urge to get out this message after reading about some of President Bush's snarky comments. I have wondered if there was a way that Republicans, who are not fond of Constitutional rights, could give up their own rights instead of taking everybody's. Thus I came up with this.

The Republican Contract with America, 2008

I, the undersigned, do hereby grant the Republican Party the following rights:

• You may tap my phones or read my emails, without telling me, whenever you think you need to
• If I am suspected of a crime, or just look suspicious, you may torture me on the basis of wild allegations
  
• You may tax me as much as you like, unless I make over $250,000 a year
• I will not demand any services for these taxes, as all this money must go for the military, at least what is not sent to China
• If you cannot pay for your government programs, you may take out loans in the name of my children and grandchildren
  
• You may promote your One True God (tm) as a government sponsor
• You may start wars in my name, to defend my access to oil
  
• You may keep me from making private decisions about my body and my life, if you think you know better
• If I am a woman, you may have complete access to my womb to ensure I comply with your personal morals
• You will protect me from the menace of health insurance that is affordable and provides equal access
• You will protect me from having to think about two men or two women getting married, in order to protect my marriage
• You may lock me up as long as you want, without being bothered by lawyers or judges, as long as the President is really sure I'm a bad person
• You may keep a secret government, using signing statements, secret meetings, secret courts and the "unitary executive", so that I need not be bothered by the details of government
• You will make sure only the important parts of the Constitution are followed
• You may keep any science out of our government or schools that does not promote party ideology or that offends my deeply held superstitions
  
• You will ensure that if government is broken, it will stay broken
• You will ensure that I do not have to pay for the pollution that I create
• You will protect me from inappropriate books, music, movies, and web sites
• You may ensure that my right to profit is not superseded by notions like public health, safety, or fairness
  
• Above all, you will protect the flag as a symbol of our country, because it is more important than the people it represents

The above list does not exclude any other rights that Republicans see fit to take from me in the name of capitalism or freedom.

Signed,
The American citizen